Vida e morte, mais pensamentos aleatórios

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Slowdive – When the Sun Hits, plays on the background….

Continuing my last thoughts and related with a period of my life haunted with some health problems, i found myself with nothing to do at home, looking in a weird way for a scene on TV on one of those usual zapping sessions, that sometimes gives me the most surreal ideas. On one of those, a person died and i decided to see all that followed that moment. Of course i'm not thinking that i'm gonna die or something (ok, everyone will die one day but wtv), but i was taken by that moment, reflecting on the loss and at the same time, the possible life that character/person could had, the possible influence on other people and so on. I was sad, but at the same time, i smiled. It was a nice scene.

A day later, someone asks me if i reached my dreams in life. After some minutes thinking, i answered that i can't say that i really have dreams. What i have and sense, is that i have a road to travel, my own way of living, and i must try to stay on that path no matter where it takes me. It's not a golden path for sure, but i believe it isn't a road to hell too lol. Basically, it's a road made by our own beliefs, and i guess everyone has one like this. Yes, it can lead to isolation and to the most dark corners of one self, but it's a price sometimes a person has to pay if he wants to get where he believes. I think many of this is related to a point in life, where someone is almost in peace with himself, made peace with the past and so on.

That was one of the conclusions i took from that nice weekend when i met the french girl and talked to some other people. If that part of the weekend was good and nice, that wasn't really the best of it after i had some days to think about it. The very good mood that me, and friends with me at the time had, was more important, and finally, because i was truly happy on that day. It's those times even how you dress demonstrates your state of mind. Maybe that's why things went so well i don't know, but positivity leads to more positivity and negativity…well…you can guess hehe. Of course that happiness it's not like hey, i'm always smiling and laughing. Nah, it's nothing like that. It's really the thing about you being happy with yourself. I could be crying, slicing my wrists or something along those lines and be happy too, because it's a inner thing. heck, i rarely smile anyway :p

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Going now for other stuff, these days at home made me reflect and think alot, and after i got a call of a friend asking me to see (sadly i couldn't since i was sick at home), some drawings made by that person i saw the exhibition before, i decided, if possible, that i will really do some more new writing inspired by her work. Hell, if possible i will try to help her showing her work to more people like my friend is doing too. After all, that's the central ideia of The Diary of Hate Project thingy anyway, do stuff, make colaborations, help other people do stuff also and so on.

Besides this, i started to mess with some ideas for the flyer for the April music night at Bar do Bairro in Lisbon. I'm still much at the beginning, but should be a continuation of other stuff i did in the past. Now the music part not so sure, because since the last one i guess an evolution is approaching for a certain music direction, one already clear also on the new CD i did (for showing purposes) for other place in Lisbon (name eventually after we give the CD and if things go well). Basically, i guess now we will try even more to give something to people, at least a little different than usual, or that many places already do. If most times people, and even us, don't mind saying that these music nights are ones of "alternative music", i guess now that term could be a little more true than usual.
But what we never want to forget is the fun part. We want people to have fun, so even if the bands or tracks played are not the usual, we will try making people have a good time, always on positive mood, and fun. We always avoid the elitist way of thinking or like "hey, look at us playing only the most weird stuff you can imagine to look cool".
There's infinite music out there, most times on similar genres of those bands that you can always hear on other places, so it's only a matter to explore that and those other bands, mixed with a little of those more established on other places and by other people.

To end this post, nothing like thinking about other things related to the beginning of the post. We can always reach that moment where we are a little happier with ourselves, but what about being satisfied? The point where you say that your purpose in life is done? Sadly, or not depending, i guess i will never be satisfied, i always want to do more. It's almost schizophrenic, when you want to leave some sort of mark here, more to yourself than for others. Blogs are so weird…

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~ by Azelpds on May 30, 2006.

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